I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
