I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
