I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
