i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
