she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
