I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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