I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
