3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
