Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Everyone says I win the strip club
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
