you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
