Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
too bad you live with your parents still
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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