I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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