This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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