you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
