my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
