Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
