why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
