I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
