Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
