I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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