I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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