bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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