please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Come see our sink grown plant.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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