Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
