You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
