Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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