well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
