I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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