Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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