Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Can't talk, ducks in the car
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
