Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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