Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
