Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
