More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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