thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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