Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
