They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
is wine microwaveable?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
