Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
