Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
