I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
