man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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