Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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