you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
