I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
