The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
