Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
