There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It's never too late to be topless.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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