trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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