I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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