Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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