I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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