wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
